Something truly amazing happened during the Timbers win on Saturday, April 14: I discovered my shoes were WATERPROOF. I mean, yeah, Portland was playing Minnesota at Providence Park in the pouring down rain, it was the home opener, and there were many goals and other supposedly exciting events, but you guys... my feet were dry
. The worst part was that no one said anything. You would think that someone, maybe at least Alvas Powell (he certainly wasn't busy), could have taken just a moment out of the match to congratulate me on surviving that horrific hours-long watery deluge from the sky. There would have been plenty of time to say something
about my awesome shoes during all the occasions the ref was listening to the VAR dude in his ear. Sadly, instead I am forced to begin another year of Timbers coverage with extra
pettiness. Just you wait for the match predictions on kipkesgard.com
; I'm finally going to get really, really mean.
Anyway, here are some photographs from the Timbers 3-2 win, along with potentially ridiculous commentary. For more serious content, read Kip Kesgard's match report
|"Reports of my obsolescence have been greatly exaggerated."|
|The visiting supporters' section cannot be unseen.|
|"My nails just won't set in this humidity."|
|Maybe Powell *was* a little busy.|
|Adi: "The guy behind me got the Spiced IPA."|
|"You're still too big to get calls in your favor."|
|Ref: "The voice tells me not to give you calls, either."|
|Jake Gleeson loves the TA OGs in the South Deck.|
|Part one. "That's a really big crane!"|
|Part two. It *was* a really big crane.|
|"Snape kills Dumbledore."|
|Powell contemplates his inconsistency.|
Oh, no... didn't they tell you not to smile at me?
Now you've gone and jinxed the whole season!
Larrys Mabiala: "Hey, maybe next time we won't let it get that close at the end."
|Surprise bonus. Part three. The big crane.|