Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Portland Timbers punish Real Salt Lake with confident 3-0 rout, snarktography approves

The Portland Timbers made Real Salt Lake look bad. Again. This is getting fun! On Sunday, October 21, RSL visited Providence Park and brought a whole lot of nothing with them (well, except diving and whining). The Timbers scored three goals, retained a clean sheet, and exemplified a whole load of class while doing so. (The part about class is not true according to all sources, but it is at least from the relevant ones I trust.)

The following is a collection of photographs from the match, accompanied by an attempt at stupid humor.

If you would like to read serious analysis, with even more photos, take a look at Kip Kesgard's match report.

Real Salt Lake
When done, it puts the lotion in the basket. 

david guzman, diego valeri
David Guzmán gazes wistfully at everyone else's sick boots.

kyle beckerman, diego chara,
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Kyle Beckerman.

real salt lake, portland timbers
"Beckerman dives all the time in practice, too. I'm sick of it!"

steve clark, liam ridgewell, zarek valentin
Steve Clark: "I made the ball go away! Is that good?"

diego valeri, joao plata, david guzman
Diego Valeri: "I saved it all up for you... and it was worth it."

david guzman, zarek valentin
Beckerman: "I'm the authority on suitable behavior."

nick rimando, diego valeri, sebastian blanco
Nick Rimando: "Why doesn't anyone carry ME like that!"

giovanni savarese
"She's the one I'm supposed to ignore, right?"

steve clark, larrys mabiala, timber joey
Larrys Mabiala: "Is he still staring at me? I'm trying to act normal but it's creeping me out."

liam ridgewell