Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Portland Timbers slam Orlando City 3-0, snarktography insists upon itself

Orlando City SC rolls into town on Sunday, September 24  acting all, "Hey, we're so awesome," and stuff like that and the Portland Timbers are all, "Nuh-uh," and "Eat these goals and red cards." And then I'm like, "Oh, these pictures I took of Portland's 3-0 win at home are really crappy but I'm going to share them anyway with seriously lame captions." And then you're all, "Look, a train wreck from which I simply cannot look away." The result: I get lots of hits and a whole ten cents in ad revenue.

For something slightly more coherent, read Kip Kesgard's match report. You'll see more of my photos there, as well.

Diego Chara solo
Dealing with Orlando's ridiculousness is exhausting. Trip some suckas and smile. It'll make you feel better.

ref looking at replay for penalty
"Hailing frequencies open, Captain."

Yeah! Go you!

Zarek Valentin solo

Darren Mattocks, Tommy Redding
Mattocks attempts to walk up the left margin.

Darren Mattocks, Dairon Asprilla
"Can we do this every time?"

Darren Mattocks, Diego Valeri
"Done my part. Time for a nap."

Zarek Valentin, Roy Miller
Part one. Valentin: "Chill out, bro. Whatever he said can't be THAT bad..."

Zarek Valentin, Roy Miller
Part two. Valentin: "Wait... WHAT?!?"

toledo, miller
Part three. Miller: "Yeah, well he started it."

Stefon: "This match has everything... a Make-A-Wish come true, two red cards followed by whiny ejections, Valeri breaking more records, Toledo being reasonable, and the park filling with the smell of Spam canned meat product."

Jake Gleeson, Derrick Tellez
Aww. So cute.

Tellez bros

Diego Valeri being normal doofy dad
Aww... um... so Dad?