Friday, October 26, 2012

Stop Putting Horseface on My Magazines!

A calico cat puts her ass on a scary issue of Elle
Daisy says no to Horseface and yes to tuna.
My cat Daisy shares my sentiments when it comes to the world of fashion and the coverage of it. Yet again, I open my mailbox and stand aghast in horror as I see Horseface on the cover. Seriously, again with the Horseface? WHY?!? Is there some reason of which I am not aware that you are compelled to force her down my throat?

Are there no other people considered fashionable anymore so that you must frequently return to the same stable? I find that so hard to believe, considering that I myself know at least a few more than twelve people. Although they would not look as fabulous as I do, they would still be able to provide some variance to the medium. You fashion folk have an entire network at your disposal that I do not, so it now seems that you are simply trolling me.

On one of the other magazines that arrived a few days earlier, I had to endure That Other Girl from Twinkly Religious Propaganda Castrated Vampire Movie, which is only slightly better than Boring McOneExpression from Twinkly Religious Propaganda Castrated Vampire Movie.

Of course, I could have even been subjected to even more Boobage O'Drugbutt Fame Whore or Heiress vagFlash vonUseless, so I should really count my blessings. Hell, at this point I would even welcome more SadEyes Escapey DeBeard than these chicks, just because I'm happy her ignorant butt finally woke up and fled from her ex-husband Cult Shillington the Vile.

Fashion is a dynamic, ever-changing realm where ingenuity, creativity and innovation are essential and yet historical reference and tribute is also apropos. Why then is it, that nearly every month, the same faces are staring back at me from the fashion magazine covers? I used to subscribe to far more of them but was forced to discontinue my loyalty when I was tortured by repeated exposure to actresses, models, and celebutants for whom I could, how you say, give a "nary a shit".

Please, for the sake of all that is holy, find some new faces (that don't look like Skeletor, either) that could use the exposure and simultaneously help move the industry forward.

PS: I have been six feet tall since I was twelve, and according to your standards, I have always been plus size, even after I had mononucleosis and lost 10000 pounds in a month. Everyone thought I looked dead, not sexy. Hint hint.


  1. Maybe change magazine subscriptions? Scientific American Mind and Archaeology covers are usually Person-with-an-I.Q.-of-a-Houseplant-free.

    1. But then I'd have to start learning things again. That sounds painful.

  2. How about, "Your mother?"

    1. How about no? *insert meme of How About No bear here*

  3. Dang girl! That is a cute cat. I can't see why you'd take away face time with Daisy by reading about fashion. All cat people know the ultimate accessory is cat hair :)

    and mono is the best diet, evah. ha

    ~stacey, yea, that one

  4. Daisy is adorable but she also constantly tries to eat my hair. She also gets away with a lot of bad behaviors because she's pretty much blind and makes us feel bad if we scold her. She is devious and not to be underestimated.

  5. ROFL! I LOVE the names you give these... uh... people? There are a few typos though... just saying.