|Not my handiwork, but it could be if I need to drive to get Daiya.
Sometimes I don't feel like rolling out of bed to find the phone and call my driver, so I'm forced to go by myself. I usually do my grocery shopping by walking, as drinking bubbly as much as I do and heading out on the road is not a fabulous idea. I might ruin my hair or someone's fence or something. I prefer to stumble down the street, making friends and being under the influence with people.
This summer, IT ALL CHANGED. I was skipping through the hippie section of one of my neighborhood markets when I spied ambrosia: Daiya Cheddar Wedge. It was cause for a most epic celebration. Although this was the only selection, it's my go-to melty pleasure. I quickly purchased a wedge and continued to do so weekly over the next month. In the middle of June, I noticed that a couple of the wedges had green spots on them, as you can see through the semi-transparent packaging. I put them aside and reached in the back and found two good wedges; I bought one of them. In the old days, when I actually gave a shit about being nice, I would have brought the moldy wedges up to the register with me. Not anymore. The expiration date was July 15 on them anyway so I expected they'd be getting a new shipment and trading them out any day.
The next week I walked back and the same three wedges were still there: the two moldy ones and one that wasn't, but I noticed the seal on that one wasn't good and I didn't want to risk it. At the end of June, I went to Las Vegas for a working holiday and had my driver take me to the Whole Foods while I was there so I could put Daiya on everything I ate at the champagne brunch at the MGM Grand. I spent two weeks in Sin City before I returned to Oregon. July 11, I walked to the store and was greeted by my three friends, the same moldy Daiya wedges. I pulled them out of their shelf and laid them on top of the tofu so someone would see it. I raised my cloak across my face and laughed maniacally as I darted out of the store.
July 18, I went back expecting to see the wedges replaced but NO! THEY WERE STILL THERE! Someone had picked them up and restocked them back into their shelf spot. Now they were not only fuzzy but also beyond the expiration date. I pulled them back off the shelf and laid them on the tofu. Every other day I went to the store and put the Daiya on the tofu, and I would go back and it would be right back in its spot again. This went on until this last Sunday, when I finally found my precious wedges gone. I had played this silly game for THREE WEEKS, with the wedges being moldy on the shelf for a total of seven weeks. Now I have no idea of what to do with myself. My life's purpose is gone.
|My furry friends. Ready for yiffing.