Now Making Guest Appearances!

I receive inquiries ALL THE TIME from so many of my fans regarding social functions and entertaining. Jennifer, how do I make my party exciting? How do I truly celebrate a life event in a special way? Do you know the secret to throwing the best bashes? DO I?!? Duh...

The best social gatherings all have one essential component: me.

Mingette & I on the wood carpet.

Now that we are entering the holiday season, my services will certainly be required at a great number of public events. In the last couple years, I limited my appearances to a select few engagements due to my time being occupied by other projects and a great many naps. This year, I aim to attend numerous celebrations, especially where I can get lots of free stuff like all the other celebrities.

This last weekend, I was invited to a VIP screening of an epic sporting competition. Mingette and I were amused by the idea of making an appearance as sporting events are not usually known to possess the level of class and sophistication we do. Fortunately, this gathering required only my presence and an offering of [redacted] candy and the plans were set. My driver had me to the door a reasonable hour late and I was ushered in quickly; no velvet ropes for this superstar!

I enjoyed a wide variety of exotic foods prepared by my personal chef (which we brought in, Hugh Hefner-style). The most wonderful surprise of the evening was the choice of beverage. Usually I enjoy a delightful glass of something grape-based and bubbly. However, I was introduced to an almost equally delicious beverage that was derived from another fruit: apple cider. How exquisite. This is soon to be a topic on which I will soon be an expert and eternally annoy friends, family, acquaintances and strangers alike. Cider is my new best friend.

Mingette loves Diego Valeri and would enjoy a scratch & a pat.

Mingette and I made our way to our reserved seating and watched some muscularly blessed men topple all over each other. As I am the Worst Timbers Blogger, I made sure to place most of my attention toward glimpsing abs and butts. Mingette is far better of a sports mind and often interrupted my viewing experience. She's writing a book about NASL Timbers and how much she hated their shorts.

The only difficulty I had with the evening was the fact the VIP area wasn't separated enough from the main viewing area. I'm sure I had to breathe the same air as some of the lesser people who probably haven't been on a reality show or made a sex tape yet or anything.

All in all, the evening was a success and I'm looking forward to more this season. I already have a few engagements booked in the next month and I'll be sure to tell you, my dear fans, all about them.

Post engagement on-site nap. The VIP area lacked the cushy couches I'm used to dancing on.